Twilightosis is a terrible, wide-spread disease that is slowly enveloping the entire young, female population of North America.


Reading any Twilight book or watching and enjoying the Twilight movie. Also, it is rumoured to spread from close contact with a large group of infected persons. It is recommended that those not yet infected take all precautions to avoid contracting Twilightosis. Wear a condom 24/7 (Even if you're female. Don't ask, it isn't pretty), keep all wounds clean and dressed, wear a sombrero, avoid large groups of giggling females, and never, ever, EVER read a Twilight book or go anywhere near a theatre featuring the movie. Also, be very careful around libraries and bookstores, as those are confirmed breeding grounds for the airborne bacteria S. Meyeria, the one identified viral source of Twilightosis.


  • A slow, head-bobbing motion
  • General feelings of illness
  • Constant leaving and re-entering of an area
  • Silent bouts of crying
  • A bizarre urge to draw
  • A complete lack of any sense of humour
  • Vapid giggling
  • Fangirlism relating to Edward
  • A quickly-forming opinion on the Jacob VS Edward debate

If you are experiencing two or more of the above symptoms, seek medical attention immediately. You may not have much longer otherwise.

Known VictimsEdit

See AlsoEdit


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